the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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