Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
