I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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