Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
