the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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