I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
