Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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