her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
