remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
