Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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