Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
