I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
