Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
