I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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