I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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