Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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