dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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