Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
