If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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