Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I AM VODKA MAN
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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