Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
