Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
