I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
