My liver just broke up with me...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
