kristin has been a bad kristin
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
