I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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