At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
