can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
