My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize