I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
