oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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