I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
