How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
