So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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