Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
