Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
