Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
