my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
