My sheets look like a crime scene.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
