Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra

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  (717): im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra http://tfl.nu/5ubo
  Replies (25) Good night (1028) Bad night (3799)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  let's bang

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

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  (216): let's bang (773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no. http://tfl.nu/cr4i
  Replies (68) Good night (1495) Bad night (6435)
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  (831): View more from California

  Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers

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  (831): Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers http://tfl.nu/n6ua
  Replies (13) Good night (878) Bad night (3724)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.

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  (516): Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it. http://tfl.nu/st29
  Replies (22) Good night (4138) Bad night (808)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  grab my backpack.....its in the fridge

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  (973): grab my backpack.....its in the fridge http://tfl.nu/prjt
  Replies (19) Good night (7971) Bad night (1048)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"

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  (215): best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load" http://tfl.nu/n15m
  Replies (20) Good night (5083) Bad night (1035)
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  (607): View more from New York

  We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.

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  (607): We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre. http://tfl.nu/5g13
  Replies (10) Good night (3018) Bad night (1090)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.

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  (630): Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends. http://tfl.nu/htzg
  Replies (4) Good night (1353) Bad night (2911)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.

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  (214): The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship. http://tfl.nu/tn77
  Replies (3) Good night (1058) Bad night (731)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.

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  (705): Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work. http://tfl.nu/y66t
  Replies (21) Good night (744) Bad night (2006)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.

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  (715): Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration. http://tfl.nu/envu
  Replies (4) Good night (1368) Bad night (468)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.

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  (250): By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so. http://tfl.nu/m028
  Replies (0) Good night (746) Bad night (287)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.

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  (651): I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do. http://tfl.nu/obfe
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (317)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu

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  (303): Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu http://tfl.nu/5y7f
  Replies (9) Good night (426) Bad night (635)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.

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  (802): Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced. http://tfl.nu/wakp
  Replies (2) Good night (326) Bad night (473)

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