She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
