never play flip cup with pint glasses
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Houston, we have a squirter
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.