Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow