Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.