i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I supernannyed him into submission
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
