dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
