You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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