in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
