i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
