He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
