My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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