A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
