And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
