So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
