Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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