Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
