Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
