we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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