What a fucking waste of an outfit
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
