standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
