um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
