fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
