this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
