Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
