They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
