Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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