It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
