We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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