its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
