yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
