i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
vagina is talking i cant
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
