Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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