You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
