good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
