so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
