your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
