I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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