Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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