So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
