anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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