Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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