I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
