Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
