mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
