I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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