is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
