I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
