Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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