Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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